Hey, LOST... It's been a long time since I last saw you. 8 months, right? It feels like it's been so much longer. 

...You look really great, tonight. I mean that. Great. Oh, look at me. Here I am blushing. You still get to me after all this time apart.

I have to say tonight was amazing. I had so much fun. It's just like old times. Remember when we started out together way back in 2004? We had no idea what we were getting into, did we? It's been a crazy ride, and we have had some tough times in the past: the Tailies, Ana Fucking Lucia, Nikki and Paolo, those six episodes at the beginning of season 3, oh and that Bai Ling catastrophe?... I was tempted to dump you a few times back there. I really was. But I have to say, I'm glad I stuck through it and I think our relationship is the stronger for it. I mean tonight felt Season 1 good! Season 1!

And I know there's a lot of critics out there - they've been badmouthing you and bashing you. It's been hard, I know. And I already hear a few people giving you hell - saying that nothing happened tonight and they didn't learn anything. Just remember this: that is crap, and you know it. You made me laugh, you made me cry. You scared the shit out of me. It was great. And I know it's only the beginning (of the end). I know it's only going to get better from here. I have faith in you, LOST. Don't let me down. Don't let US down.

Welcome back, LOST. We missed you.

Love always,

Lisa

 

Is it weird to write a love letter to a tv show? I can't help it - I've never felt this way before!

Well, even though it's cold, rainy, grey, and thoroughly depressing outside there are still reasons to celebrate. No, I didn't get out of class today (one left!) or yesterday (*insert expletive here*), but I am thankful for...

1. The power (and heat) is on in Andy Holt. For the moment. I'm going to post a blog about our harrowing adventures as refugees later today or this weekend hopefully. 

2. It's Friday! This is always a good thing, always a reason to celebrate :) Sleeping in is so, so wonderful. 

3. Hibachi Factory on the strip. This is a Japanese restaurant that delivers, and the food is wonderful. So much better than pizza. And Kelly and I are already planning on rewarding ourself for the crazy week we've had, so I'm looking forward to that.

4. Today is Groundhog Day, and for the only time EVER (I may be exaggerating), the groundhog did not see it's shadow and we should have an early spring. Normally, I say the groundhog is full of crap, but since he predicted what I wanted this year I will believe him. Believe me we could use an early spring after the frigid month of January. 

5. I just found out today (how did I get so behind???) that the LAST HARRY POTTER BOOK will be coming out on July 21st. As awesome as that is, it will be even better because that is my last official day in England so I will be there for the release party. So, it looks like I'll probably stay an extra day or two on account of that, which Kelly and I were thinking about anyway since airfare will be cheaper on the 23rd - a Monday - than on the 21st). Woohoo! Not to mention the 5th Harry Potter movie will be out on July 13, also while I'm in London. YAY! And though I was looking forward to a 07/07/07 release for Deathly Hallows, I think the 21st will be even better now that I think about it. This is because it will be at the end of our trip, so I won't have the book nagging me in the back of my head for most of my trip. Y'all know I can't resist reading a good book, even at the expense of sleep, grades, etc. When I get addicted to a book... I can't stop.

6. Speaking of England, can I say how thankful I am that I'm going? I can't wait! Our first official group meeting was supposed to be this week, but was postponed b/c of the weather (now it's going to be this Thursday).

7. My boys are going to the Superbowl. Yay Peyton Manning! Even if we don't win, it will still be my favorite superbowl... ever. 

8. Great TV. LOST is coming back on this week FINALLY, and though it hasn't been as good as it once was, I still think it's one of the best shows ever, and I have missed it so much. The Office continues to be outstanding each and every week, and I don't understand how Jim can get cuter with each episode... Heroes is more addicting each week, AND the guys get hotter every week too. HOW? American Idol is addicting and now it won't conflict with LOST (yay!). I know it's an evil show, but I can't help myself guys. House is back in my good graces after dumping Tritter *shudder* Psych on USA continues to amuse me now that it's back on after a long hiatus. Scrubs reruns on Comedy Central (and just about every other channel it seems) are nearly always on and always funny. I can't tear myself away from the TV, as you can tell. But I'm not partying and binge drinking and stuff, so shut up.

9. McKay's. Oh, McKay's, the amazing used bookstore (and DVDs, VHS, CDs, video games, etc.) I love you so much. I have a stack of books to read from you, and I can't wait. 

10. My car. Wes, my car, has been so helpful to me in this past crazy week, which I will write about soon. Thank GOD I can drive now. 

11. Friends and family, who continually bring a smile to my face and help me thru crazy weeks like this just by doing nice little things. I am so lucky to have you guys!

BTW, this is not in any sort of order or anything. It's just my random brain :)

And, of course, there is so much more that I can't even begin to list right now b/c I have to leave for class soon. I just wanted to get this out while it's on my mind!

Much more soon!

Sorry for the caps and excess punctuation, BUT OMG PEYTON MANNING AND THE COLTS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Ahem* Excuse me, I'm just very excited. AND we beat the Patriots to get there. The Patriots are the only pro football team I actively hate. Well, maybe not hate. That's a very strong word. I just despise them. Loathe them. Wish bad things upon them. 

Finally, a Super Bowl where I will actually care about the outcome (and I'm not talking about the commercials ;-D)!

More later, y'all!

Well I have stolen a couple of 2006 Year in Review Memes (one from possibly_sane18, one from Crystal, thanks, guys!). These are practically a requirement at the end of the year, so I'm glad I found a couple of good ones. Warning: long post ahead!

Here goes:

Glad to see 2006 go ( yes or no )?: Not really glad to see it go necessarily, but I am excited for 2007!

Age turned in 2006?: 20, or as a friend of mine calls it: The useless 2-0

Did you change your hair in 2006? I got a new haircut, which I like.

The best part of 2006?: The few times at school when there weren't huge projects or tests or papers or assignments due, and I could actually have fun with friends.

The worst part of 2006?: um...October sucked due to numerous things. And finals/midterms are always terrible times.

Any new crushes in 2006? I haven't had a crush as I think of it since my freshman year of high school. There were a couple of people that caught my eye on occasion though.

Do they know?: I seriously doubt it.

Who will you never forget?: I forgot.

Who did you wish you did not meet?: I can't think of anyone in particular.

Did you have a boy/girlfriend in 2006?: nope

Did you fall in love in 2006?: nope

Funniest moment of 2006?: One moment? You've got to be kidding me. I think all the times that Kelly/Meghan/Hillary and I get together end up being so much fun.

The funniest thing you saw on TV in 2006?: The Office! It's an awesome show, and one that actually makes me laugh out loud every single week. The scenes that are coming to mind right now are... "OMG, Dwight got a hooker!!!!!" and "I don't have a lot of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationary. So occasionally, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future." Not exact quotes b/c I'm doing this from memory, but it's pretty close. It's great tv though, if you haven't seen it yet - definitely start watching!

The funniest thing you heard on the radio?: I normally don't listen to the radio, but when I was in NC for Thanksgiving we were driving on Black Friday to go shopping and we were listening to a radio show where the guy was prank calling a hardware store as a pirate. Poor lady! But it was great. "Do you have any timber? You know? For shivers?" "Noooo..." "Well, how about some wenches?"

Did you take any vacations in 2006? Not really. We never take vacations. Although I did visit Kelly's family in NC for Thanksgiving.

Any new hobbies of 2006?: this type of thing implies that I have free time. Which is absolutely untrue.

Did you get a new job in 2006?: nope

Did you lose a job in 2006?: nope

Did you host a party in 2006: I don't think so...

Did you get in any car accidents in 2006?: nope.

Did you get a ticket in 2006?: nope

Were you ever arrested in 2006?: Not that I remember...

Where did most of your money go? The Big Orange Screw... Also, food and clothes.

What song will always remind you of 2006?: Generally I have a hard time answering these sorts of questions. Since I got my car/license this year "Free and Easy Down the Road I Go" by Dierks Bentley will be pretty memorable. I love The Wreckers and Sugarland too, so any of their songs will remind me of 2006 as well.

What do you wish you'd done more of?: Writing (always) and reading for fun and not for class.

What do you wish you'd done less of?: Procrastinating.

Things you were really good at in 2006?: writing, I'm getting better in Spanish (slowly...)

Thing you wish you were better at in 2006?: Spanish, also giving presentations and stuff (of course, I've been wishing I was better at that since... forever).

In 2006, did you lie to miss a day of work / school?: Nope. In fact, I'm not sure I missed any days really.

Did you move in 2006?: Well, I moved into my campus apartment.

Did you wish on a shooting star in 2006?: nope

Has your wish come true?: N/A

Did you have a sleep over in 2006?: nope

Did you make-out in public in 2006?: ha, no

What's the ringer on your cellphone?: Super Mario Brothers theme (yes, I'm a dork!)

Did you drink too much in 2006?: Hell, no. I don't drink.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.: When people give you "life lessons", they're usually just regurgitating some stupid nonsense cliche.

Your favorite commercial of 2006?: Kelly mentioned the cell phone w/crime deterrent commercial, which is one of my favorites, but I also love all the ones that make fun of stupid people - "people do stupid things..."

Did you go to any concerts? Yep. Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts, and Dierks Bentley

Something you couldn't leave home without in 2006?: My cell phone and my ipod.

What are you going to do differently in 2007?: I'm hoping to procrastinate less, be more active in classes, and I'm going to England this summer!

And here's the other meme:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? Started driving :)

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I never make resolutions b/c I hate them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandpa died at the very end of 2005... So, no, I guess not.

5. What countries did you visit? I've never been out of the country, which is something I hope to remedy in 2007!

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? I think I'm pretty good. I can't think of anything else that I really need.

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think there is any specific date that I'll remember. I'll definitely remember being in the fifth row center of the Keith Urban concert though.

8. What was biggest achievement of the year? Getting my license/car.

9. What was your biggest failure? Keeping in touch with people... *sigh* Sorry, guys. I'm going to do better next year!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I've actually been very healthy this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My ipod shuffle and my car - yay for technology

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Um... All of my friends for being awesome and putting up with me.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My dad, as usual.

14. What did you get really, really excited about? all of the concerts I got to go to :) and getting my car/license

15. Compared to this time last year are you:
A. happier or sadder? Happier
B. thinner or fatter? about the same, maybe a bit fatter
C. richer or poorer? technically richer

16. What do you wish you'd done more of? hanging out with friends

17. What do you wish you'd done less of? procrastinating

18. How did you spend Christmas? in Oak Ridge with my family

19. Did you fall in love in 2006? heck no

20. How many one-night stands? What kind of a girl do you think I am?

21. What was your favorite TV program? The Office is my top favorite, but I also love Heroes and Psych.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah...

23. What was the best book you read? The Prestige by Christopher Priest was pretty good.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Wreckers!

25. What was your favorite film of this year? I saw The Prestige before I read the book it was based on, but I think I like the movie more... I recommend seeing the movie before reading the book, if you want to do both. There are extra surprises in the book that don't appear in the movie.

26. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 20, and we didn't really do anything for my birthday.

27. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More free time

28. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? Lots of vibrant colors (especially blues, purples, and greens), a move towards more mature and simple clothes (stuff that I will be able to wear to work later on), but I still like things with a funky twist.

29. What kept you sane? ha, you assume I stayed sane?

30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Christian Bale, Orlando Bloom, and John Krasinski

31. What political issue stirred you the most? I got fed up with/pissed at politics in general this year.

32. Who do you miss? My out-of-state friends and family.

33. Who was the best new person you met? I met a lot of great new people this year.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'Cause someday maybe
Somebody will love me like I need
And someday I won't have to prove
'Cause somebody will see
all my worth but until then
I'll do just fine on my own...

I ain't gonna sleep
I ain't gonna dream
About the things that I used to need
I ain't gonna cry
Or go on living lies
I'm just gonna drive
- "Cigarettes" by The Wreckers 

More end of the year stuff to come. But for now another quiz:

Your New Year's Resolutions

1) Get a pet pony 2) Eat less brussel sprouts 3) Travel to India 4) Study communism 5) Get in shape with spinning

So, a couple of my closest friends have just gotten engaged over the past couple of weeks. Congratulations, ladies, you know who you are!

I'm very happy for my friends, of course. The only bit of advice I have to all you women getting engaged out there is this: Get the ring, girls. And make sure it's real.

We've got to have some collateral, you know. Just in case. Someone please remind me of this if I ever get engaged. Which looks increasingly unlikely... *this will not turn into a self pity post... this will not turn into a self pity post...*

By the way, I really am very happy for all of my engaged friend. I hope I don't come across as cynical at all - my sense of humor doesn't always translate well to the written word, I've found. And anyways my little mood kitty cat (on lj) even says I'm excited. So you know it's true.

In other news...

I forgot how many old people are in Oak Ridge. I also forgot how much OR can get on my nerves. *sigh* It's all good though. It's highly boring here, so maybe I'll actually post like I should/used to back in the day. Silver lining, right? LOOK, PERSON WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS, I'M BEING POSITIVE. And don't say, "For once." Or there will be blood. *Ahem*

Have a great Christmas/New Year's, everyone! I hope for your sake that all of your Christmas shopping is done.

Check it out:

Hilton Vomits While Attempting To Sing Own Song


Paris Hilton shocked revelers at a Las Vegas nightclub when she got up to perform but ended up vomiting on stage instead. Singer Joshua Radin was among the guests who went to a nightclub to hear rapper Shawn 'Jay-Z' Carter perform and found himself sitting next to the socialite-turned-singer. Radin writes on his MySpace page, "Paris Hilton was sitting next to me the whole night. Seriously, next to me, like our legs were touching for a good five hours. Now don't get the wrong idea. She never once said hello, nor even looked in my direction. Five hours. And it was unreal to watch. She must have pulled a compact out of her bag every six minutes to stare at herself and pose while Jay-Z was performing eighteen inches from us." Radin writes that when Jay-Z left the stage, "Paris, who had been swilling straight vodka from (a) Grey Goose bottle for hours, gets up on stage, has the people in charge throw her 'record' on the house stereo for her to lip sync two of her songs. She gets up on the stage, pukes, leaves..." Radin adds, "I find the music business charming."

There aren't enough words to describe how awesome this is.

No really, the roof IS on fire. That is the roof of the Dougherty Engineering Building on the UT Knoxville campus. I was in class in Humanities when it happened, which is on the other side of campus from Dougherty (D. is on the hill), and we could see this huge smoke coming up from what looked like the hill. My teacher joked that someone up there burned up a lab. Well, maybe. When I came out everyone was staring at the smoke on the Pedestrian Walkway, and apparently you can see it from miles away.

However, it looks like no one was hurt, thank goodness. My friend Hillary (for those of you that don't know she was my roommate for the past couple of years) was in Dougherty when it happened. The alarm went off and everyone thought that it was a false alarm, but she said her teacher came in and was like, "No, y'all need to get out NOW." She got out safely along with everyone else it seems (from the information I have at the moment).

They don't know what caused the fire yet, and I've heard it's on the backside of the building and flames are coming through the roof. I have a class in Dougherty on Tuesday - My writing fiction class. Now, I'm curious as to how that is going to affect our classes. Please, please, please let class be cancelled on Tuesday! We're supposed to have an assignment and a quiz that day... Do you have any idea how AWESOME it would be to not have class????

Burn Dougherty, BURN!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and Hillary also would like to add that the ChemE's are innocent. *ChemE's are Chemical Engineers* - technically, I think Dougherty is their building, so... how innocent could they be????

At least, I can say that English majors have never burned down a building. We perhaps create fire hazards, but we have yet to burn on down. ;-D

Your Unique Costume is Mega Demon

Be the afterlife of the party!

The first person to say, "What's the difference?" will be shot on sight.

More later.

...was awesome, you have to go see it! Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman star in it, ladies! And it has an awesome plot, great effects, lots of suspense, twists and turns, everything! Seriously, I just saw it and was worried that it wouldn't be as good as in the trailers. But it was amazing, so go see it right now :)

Oh, and for you people that don't like scary movies (crazy, I know) - it is not scary. It has suspense and it's engaging, but it is not a horror movie.

More later!

This story here made my day. I hope you guys get a kick out of it too.

Kelly and I had a Classics test this morning and since it's a big lecture class we needed to get in there early so we could get a seat. Well, we're leaving a couple of minutes behind schedule and go to the bus stop, and about five minutes later we catch a bus. The bus goes down the street to the next bus stop (not very far away). A bunch of people pile on, and then all of a sudden our bus stops. And won't start again. We wait for a few minutes to see if another bus is coming or our bus will start up again, but, alas, no. So, we had to get out and start walking to our class. On our way we pass by the outdoor amphitheater by the Humanities building where a lot of people are gathered. We, of course, have to see what all the fuss is about. It turns out that the Native American dancer people that were coming to UT were dancing down there. This is pretty cool, and we also see a bunch of students have gotten down there with them and are dancing too. Kelly spots this tuft of grey hair and says, "Oh my GOD, that's our Classics teacher!" I'm not believing it, but sure enough I see him down there dancing his heart out with some moroccas. It was the highlight of my day, week, semester, etc.! It was classic.

And here's a quiz too (what's a post w/o quizzes, huh?):

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

Guys, I just saw this news report that I thought you guys should see too. Here it is:

Thousands evacuated after N.Carolina chemical fire

RALEIGH, North Carolina (Reuters) - Thousands of people in Apex, North Carolina, were ordered out of their homes on Friday after a late-night fire at a hazardous waste plant sent a toxic cloud over the Raleigh suburb, emergency officials said.

A series of explosions at the Environmental Quality Company plant, 10 miles southwest of Raleigh, sent a cloud of dangerous chlorine gas into the air and around 16,000 people, about half the town's population, were told to evacuate their homes, officials at Apex Emergency Management Services said.

No injuries or deaths were reported, but officials said more than a dozen people, including firefighters and police officers, were being treated at area hospitals for respiratory problems.

"It is the worst potential hazardous materials fire that you can expect," Apex town manager Bruce Radford told reporters in televised comments.

Firemen had refrained from entering the plant overnight to battle the blaze because of the chemicals stored at the facility, Radford said.

A spokesman for Colonial Pipeline, which is the largest oil products pipeline in the United States and is held by a large consortium of oil companies, said the company had a delivery terminal in Apex but it was unclear if the facility was affected.

Witnesses told local television the fire appeared to have spread to a nearby petroleum storage facility.


I just hope that this is all worked out quickly and without the bureaucratic bungling that happened with Katrina for the sake of everyone involved.

I'll write more later, guys!

P.S. I haven't heard anymore about the guy who got run over by the car, good or bad. I know I would have heard about it if he had died or been very seriously injured so I think that he's doing ok. Hopefully, he will not walk in front of anymore cars.

My roommate just got back from class and told us that she saw someone GET RUN OVER BY A CAR! And not just anyone...

One of the Bible guys!

Although it's not one of the evil ones that hold the signs and scream at us when we're walking to class, which is what I thought at first. If it had been one of them I would've thought it was divine retribution, but Katrina told us that it's one of the guys that just hands out the little Bibles... so :( What happened was he was jaywalking - he just decided to walk out in the middle of the busy intersection and he got hit. Just because you're handing out Bibles, it doesn't make you invincible, people. Katrina said that rolled up and hit the windshield, but then stood up afterwards looking pretty dazed. I hope he's not too bad off.

If I find out more, I will let y'all know!

I'm going to write an actual update soon, but for now, here are some quizzes. I know you don't care, but I enjoying doing them. So there.

You Are Lavender

You are a sweet person with a very soft personality. People become easily entranced with you. They seem to glow around you. You have a quiet energy that can keep you active late into the night. Even if you aren't the life of the party, you definitely keep the party going.

My favorite color!

Your True Birth Month Is June

Fussy Abiding Friendly Stubborn Talkative Sensitive Executive Hesitating Easily hurt Active mind Easily bored Daydreamer Loves to joke Tends to delay Temperamental Brand conscious Loves to dress up Having lots of ideas Good debating skills Funny and humorous Thinks far with vision Prone to getting colds Polite and soft-spoken Able to show character Seldom show emotions Knows how to make friends Easily influenced by kindness Takes time to recover when hurt Choosy and always wants the best Those who love me are enemies; Those who hate me are friends

Your Italian Name Is...

Filippa Marino

More later!

So, I was driving to Seymour today from Oak Ridge. I ended up in the left lane and there was this jerk semi behind me that got right up on my butt (even though I'm already going 5 miles over the speed limit). He had plenty of room and plenty of time to get around me if he wanted to, but he just kept riding on my butt. I think he was trying to intimidate me into getting back into the right lane. Of course, that just annoyed me. Well, we then got on the part of the highway where the speed limit is 65 for cars/55 for trucks. I'm doing 70ish I think (Dad makes me drive 5 miles over the speed limit at least). All of a sudden, the semi goes off to the right lane beside me. The moment that he did that though I saw the flashing lights of a cop and heard his siren (it was a cop on a bike). I thought he was pulling me over, but, of course, I can't get over now even if I wanted to because of the semi to my right. I'm pretty nervous, but it turned out the cop pulled the semi over! Hehehehe.

From the movie Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle:

Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

IF YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE YOUR DRIVING TEST IN TENNESSEE:

YOU HAVE TO GET AN APPOINTMENT FIRST. Yes, you heard me right, an appointment. I sure as hell didn't know that. Not that this information has been posted anywhere online or where I got my permit renewed. WHEN DID THE DOT TURN INTO A FREAKING HAIR SALON? Oh, and you're going to want to make it like two weeks ahead of schedule b/c they only book one person every half hour like 4 days of the week. If you didn't think that the DOT could become any more inefficient, AREN'T YOU ADORABLE? So ugh. Make your appointment online or, like me, drive all the way to Clinton and then learn you have to MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. Oh, but don't worry, your trip is not wasted. Oh no, they have a nice little appointment making kiosk for you and EVERYONE BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AND DON'T LEARN UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE.

IF YOU OWN A SWIFFER WETJET/DOG/CAT/BABY:

The stuff in the Swiffer Wetjet is almost pure anti-freeze, so if you have an animal or baby you need to keep them away from clean floors. A baby almost died from it, I heard. However, according to my dad (the resident chemist) instead of using the Swiffer Wetjet chemicals you could use 409. It may not be good for dog/cat/baby, but they probably won't die.

AMERICA (THE BOOK):

So funny. Read it now!

And now for the Randomness:

CATHOLICS, JEWS, MUSLIMS UNITED IN HATRED OF MADONNA

What has she done this time, you ask? Let this news article speak the horror for me.

Madonna's plans to stage a mock crucifixion during a Sunday concert in Rome have drawn fire from religious leaders, who have condemned the stunt as "an act of open hostility" toward the Roman Catholic Church.

The prospect of the scene being repeated at the concert in Rome's Olympic stadium, some 2 miles from the Vatican, prompted Catholic officials to denounce the act as a publicity stunt in bad taste.

"To crucify yourself in the city of the pope and the martyrs is an act of open hostility," Cardinal Ersilio Tonini was quoted as saying in La Stampa daily on Wednesday. "It's a scandal created on purpose by astute merchants to attract publicity."

And pay attention to this part especially:

Muslim and Jewish leaders also condemned the fake crucifixion.

"It's not the first time Madonna stages such an act. We deplore it, we feel it is an act of bad taste," said Mario Scialoja, the president of the Muslim World League in Italy.

"We express solidarity with the Catholic world," said Riccardo Pacifici, spokesman for Rome's Jewish community. "It's a disrespectful act, and to do it in Rome is even worse."

Wow. Just wow. We have finally found some common ground in the Middle East: We all believe that Madonna should be ritually stoned. Or other horrible punishment of your choosing.

OH, BUT IT GETS BETTER:

In an e-mail to The Associated Press on Thursday, the singer's New York-based spokeswoman, Liz Rosenberg, said: "Madonna does not think Jesus would be mad at her, as his teaching of loving thy neighbor and tolerance is Madonna's message as well. The context of Madonna's performance on the crucifix is not negative nor disrespectful toward the church."

Ok, so I just thought that Madonna was doing this as a combination mocking of Christianity/publicity stunt, but now we know. MADONNA THINKS SHE IS JESUS. SHE HAS A MESSAGE, PEOPLE. AND SHE THINKS THAT JESUS'S MESSAGE IS JUST MAYBE A LITTLE BIT LIKE HERS. BUT HERS IS BETTER. ALSO BUY HER NEW ALBUM FOR SHE IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIGHT. AND SHE NEEDS THE MONEY.

Other celebrities who think they're better than Jesus (or God/Prophet of your choosing):

1. Tom Cruise
2. Oprah (can't quite match Tom's ego, I think - better luck next year, Oprah)
3. Bono

You know what else amuses me. Here's what I think was going on in Madonna's head when she had her spokesperson say: "The context of Madonna's performance on the crucifix is not negative nor disrespectful toward the church."

Madonna: I am going to be completely sacreligous and offensive as a publicity stunt for my new album, but that's not in any way disrespectful to the Church. At all. They'll totally be cool with it.

Christians around the world: OMGWTFBBQ?

Oh, and 24 hour news stations stop talking about how we're in the Apocalypse b/c you need a time filler. Especially when you're asking Catholic priests who have just quoted to you Mark 13:32: "But of that day or that hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." Then, they're like, but, no really, when do you think it's coming?

And people will argue this verse to death. But, but they didn't specify year or month so we can predict the year and the month, right? Oh, and I know it says "no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son", but that doesn't really mean no one? I mean someone knows. Or they could know. Right?

I am so tired of people predicting the end of the world. Personally, I think that would be too easy. What with all the global warming, warring, melting ice caps, destroyed environments, and the very near future of there being NO OIL it would be a lot easier to get out of the world now that to actually suffer the consequences of humanity's reign of terror on earth. But that's just me.

I also personally feel that the end of the world like the next big disease is NOT going to be predicted by people - we will be blindsided by it just like we've always been blindsided by this stuff. I'm looking at you, bird flu. We didn't predict the Black Plague or smallpox or Spanish influenza. But whatever keep up the fear mongering, see if I care. *sticks out tongue*

So.... did I just reach new levels of snarkiness or what?

Ok, I have been meaning to discuss some of these commercials I keep seeing. Like the Hardee's commercial... You know the one I'm talking about. The one where the guys molest the cows to that stupid "Milkshake" song that was big a couple of years back. EW. I seriously want to gouge my eyes out every time I see it. UGH. Thank you, Hardee's for assaulting my eyes and ears with your disgusting, disgusting commercials.

Oh, and Hardee's I have another issue with one of your commercials (or series of commercials). This time I'm talking about the ones where the guys are trying to cook themselves breakfast, but are completely pathetic. Hardee's: "Without us some guys would starve." Well, maybe they should. Now hear me out first. They've shown a series of commercials on this and I have to say that while they amuse me to no end. If a man cannot CRACK AN EGG, TOAST A PIECE OF BREAD, MAKE A POT OF COFFEE, OR EVEN OPEN A BOX OF CEREAL, they deserve to starve. Seriously, this is Darwinism at work. Whether you believe in evolution or not, you can't exactly want men this pathetic getting in the gene pool. These men do not need to be spawning!

Here's another one I have an issue with: Those Geico commercials where they have the "real people" talking about their experiences with celebrities. I think it's funny that celebrities are no longer "real people". What exactly are they, then? I'm not sure I want to know. Although I will have to concede that Tom Cruise and his fellow scientologists are NOT real people. I will give them that. I'm not sure aliens are the correct term, but I don't have a better word for the craziness that is Scientologists.

There's another commercial I wanted to talk about, but I can't remember which one, so I guess I'll do that one later. But here's another quiz:

You Are a Pegasus

You are a perfectionist, with an eye for beauty. You know how to live a good life - and you rarely deviate from your good taste. While you aren't outgoing, you have excellent social skills. People both admire you - and feel very comfortable around you.

Awesome :)

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060728/ap_en_ot/people_daniel_radcliffe;_ylt=Ap4k1KMiC1l6B0oaxEd7HFRnhVID;_ylu=X3oDMTA3YXYwNDRrBHNlYwM3NjI-

'Harry Potter' actor to be naked on stage

LONDON - Daniel Radcliffe will strip off his Harry Potter eyeglasses and robes for his London stage debut next year.

The 17-year-old actor, who plays the bespectacled schoolboy wizard in the Hollywood adaptations of J.K. Rowling's novels, will star as a troubled stableboy in Peter Shaffer's "Equus."

The play delves into the psyche of a boy named Alan Strang who blinds six horses with a metal spike. The production is scheduled to open next March in the West End theater district, said spokesman Peter Thompson.

"It is an extraordinary play, and he's very much looking forward to the role," Radcliffe's spokeswoman, Vanessa Davies, said Friday. "He is maturing as an actor and beginning to take on new and challenging roles."

In one scene the actor playing Strang is required to simulate sexual ecstasy while riding a horse naked. But Davies said nudity was not the focus of the play.

Richard Griffiths, who plays Harry's Uncle Vernon in the films, is lined up to play the psychiatrist who interviews the troubled youth.

Radcliffe is now filming "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," the fifth installment in Harry's adventures, and recently finished shooting "December Boys," the story of four orphans who compete for adoption.

"Equus" opened in 1973 at London's National Theatre, before a successful run on Broadway starring Anthony Hopkins. Richard Burton starred in a 1977 film adaptation.


OMG. Ok. Um... I wonder what plays Kelly and I are going to be seeing next summer in England... Oh, but I think I've just heard the bang of thousands (or millions) of fangirls' heads EXPLODING all over the world. Seriously, there are bits of fangirls' brains all over everything, and that is impossible to clean. Thanks a lot, Harry Potter (I mean Daniel Radcliffe).

TORONTO (Reuters) - A company that sells software to correct irritating Internet spelling mistakes has reissued its latest news release to correct a minor snafu.

TextTrust, which says it focuses on "eliminating the negative text impressions on Web sites," re-released a Tuesday news release to correct a mistake that listed the most common spelling errors on "the 16 million we (sic) pages it has spell checked over the past year."

It said commonly misspelled words included independent, accommodation and definitely, which were spelled independant, accomodation and definately.

"It's very embarrassing," said Pat Brink, PR consultant for the Toronto-based company. "I made the mistake, not TextTrust -- they do a much better job, It's certainly egg on the face of this public relations person."

The release quoted TextTrust as saying that it used both human editors and special spell-checking software to scour Web sites for spelling mistakes. "TextTrust wants to make sure that organizations never again receive the 'I found a spelling error on your web site' e-mail," it said.


HAHAHAHA. That is perhaps the greatest screw up of all mankind.

Your EQ is 107

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

Gee, I never knew I was sarcastic. *rolls eyes*

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

More later! :D

The Scarlet Letter
By Nathaniel Hawthorne
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard


Evil Puritanical Society

Because you have committed adultery, you must wear an 'A'. Harlot! Harlot!

Hester Prynne

...

(The Evil Puritanical Society SNUBS Hester Prynne.)

Hester Prynne

...

(They call her NAMES.)

Hester Prynne

...

(They won't let her play any Evil Puritanical Society GAMES.)

Reverend Dimmesdale

I can't take it anymore. I did it.



THE END



The Odyssey
By Homer
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker

Odysseus
I rule.
Poseidon
For your sin of pride, I curse you for all eternity.
(Unfazed, Odysseus boards his ship and sets SAIL for Greece, where his family is awaiting his RETURN from Troy. A STORM happens, and it drives them off course into the MEDITERRANEAN, where they come upon a strange LAND owned by the giant Cyclops POLYPHEMUS who eats some of the men ALL UP, but then they ESCAPE. Still lost, they run into the island of the sorceress CIRCE who turns some of Odysseus' men into ANIMALS, and it takes YEARS before they escape, and then they sail by some singing SIRENS, but they can't hear because they have STUFF in their ears. Then they come upon an island where there is a field of HERBS, and they all get HIGH, until Odysseus says it's time to GO. Then Odysseus' men let a WIND out of a BAG, and some more men DIE. And they sail on to HADES to talk to some DEAD people, and some more men DIE. And they steer the ship between the six headed monster SCYLLA and the torrential whirlpool CHARYBDIS, and Scylla makes some more men DIE, and Charybdis makes the rest of them DIE. Then the ship busts up into a JILLION pieces, but Odysseus is SAVED by the nymph Calypso who confines him to her ISLAND because she thinks he's HOT, and she wants his BODY. Then years later she lets him GO, but Poseidon is determined to terrorize him FURTHER. And then SUDDENLY Odysseus has an IDEA.)

Odysseus
Poseidon, I am sorry.
Poseidon
Ok, you can go home now.
(Odysseus goes home.)





THE END



The Hobbit
By J. R. R. Tolkien
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker

Bilbo Baggins
Ah, now for some peace and quiet. Oops, someone's at the door.
Balin
We're dwarves. I'm the merry one.
Dwalin
I'm the happy one.
Fili
I'm the young one.
Kili
I'm the other young one.
Dori
I'm the funny one.
Nori
I'm the joyous one.
Ori
I'm the cute one.
Oin
I'm the jolly one.
Gloin
I'm the silly one.
Bifur
I'm the one with the funniest name.
Bofur
I'm the one with the looniest name.
Bombur
I'm the fat one.
Thorin
I'm the one with a distinct personality.
Gandalf
Now that you're all here, let's go on a quest.
(They get captured by TROLLS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN. Then they get captured by ORCS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Bilbo Baggins
What have I got in my pocket?
Gollum
I don't know.
(They get captured by SPIDERS, and it is DANGEROUS, because they almost get EATEN.)

Smaug
I'm an evil dragon. Hiss hiss.
(Bilbo Baggins turns INVISIBLE, and then some obscure co-star SLAYS the dragon, and it makes a MESS.)

Bilbo Baggins
I'm going home. Peace and quiet, here I come.




THE END


The Collected Work of Stephen King
Ultra-Condensed by Mike Martinez


It was a nice day...........................AND THEN EVIL CAME!




THE END


The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
By Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Ultra-Condensed by Rachele di Tullio

Ancient Mariner
I am creepy and old. Listen to me.
Wedding Guest
I'm late, but I'll listen.
Ancient Mariner
I killed an albatross. Then everyone died.




THE END



Heart of Darkness
By Joseph Conrad
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard and David J. Parker

Mr. Marlow
I'm the good side of mankind, upstanding and respectable.
Mr. Kurtz
I'm the bad side of mankind, once honorable, now mired in depravity.
The Jungle
I'm the heart of mankind, home to sinister darkness and corruption.
(Mr. Kurtz dies. Mr. Marlow is reborn.)




THE END



The Lady or the Tiger
By Frank R. Stockton
Ultra-Condensed by David J. Parker

The Tiger!!




THE END



Walden
By Henry David Thoreau
Ultra-Condensed by Samuel Stoddard

Henry David Thoreau
A truly rich man doesn't have money but rather courage, truth, and an inner glory that transcends the passiveness of our physical beings. That's why I'm going to live in the boonies.
(Two years later...)

I'm getting the heck out of here and getting my pencil-making job back. Um. But what I said still goes.




THE END



More here:
http://rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml


hehehehe :)